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Back in My Day....

Oct 07, 2019

 

I am of the last generation that will ever remember typing up school papers on a typewriter or a word processor (for when it got really fancy). 

We are the last ones who had to use fat, heavy encyclopedias to get facts and information. 

My generation is the final one to have to remember phone numbers, birthdays and how to get around town without GPS. 

We can remember a childhood where imagination and innovation were our source of entertainment not devices. 


Now, it may sound like a little old lady is writing this post (and isn't she impressive on the internet!), but I'm only 32. A lot can change in a few years.



One of the first questions I'm asked when working with a group or individual on intimate Self discovery is "How long will it take?"

There are three true answers to this:
1. It depends on how assertively you pursue the lessons.

2. It depends on what is in service to your highest good, which you won't know but your Self will.

3. Not as long as you think.

 

Let's turn the clock back five years in my life. I'll warn you, it's not a pretty picture.

 

  • This time five years ago I was working for a valet company. I had broken my foot "running cars" and got moved to a doorman position (hey, that's what they called it). Because I couldn't run anymore and I was good with customers, I got promoted to shift supervisor. This may sound neat, but I was the only woman at this location and was overseeing a dozen guys who did not enjoy having to listen to a woman and who had the office "decorated" with penises EVERYWHERE. 

  • I had recently joined recovery for sex addiction after arriving at a place of such deep self hatred that I had been planning my suicide. I was living a total lie. I put a smile on to go to work and spent the rest of my time as rotting shell. My life had gotten better after joining recovery, but I was in the middle of one of my relapse periods, so it was pretty messy.

  • I remember lying on the couch alone after surgery, hopped up on painkillers, accidentally sexting my mom and then making a sad attempt to cover it up. Yeah, true story. I also sent a selfish email to the dearest friend I lost during my addiction. I tried to jump to the Step 9 amends before even having done Step 1 - not to mention I was high and acting out while doing it. 

  • In just a couple of weeks I would herniate a disk in my lumbar spine and become basically paralyzed for the next few months. 

I wish I could say this was a "dark time" in my life, but I'd been creating and living in this mess for well over a decade.


I was broken on every level. I shamed myself constantly for my actions, thoughts, weakness, appearance, past... for my existence really. 

 

Well thanks Jace, that was really cheery. Don't worry; there's a point to all of this!



Let's pause the clock to look at my life today.

  • I have been sexually sober for four years, eight months and five days. I've also gotten sober from alcohol, work, stress, working out, food and am getting close with caffeine. 

  • I have owned up to my past and use it as a solid foundation for growth, service and love.

  • I am in a super kickass relationship with a beautiful man who knows all my shiny and gorey details and accepts me as I am.

  • I'm physically healthy, mentally sound, spiritually connected and emotionally stable. 

  • I have explored my childhood abuse, accepted and forgiven it, allowing me to move on from it.
  • I work for myself doing exactly what I love - helping others love themselves - like, for real, is there a better job???

  • I'm closer to my family than I've ever been, and they respect me in ways that weren't possible before.

I could go on and on about how awesome my life is now, but I'll sum it up by saying I live with joy in my heart every day, I get a rush of the warm-n-fuzzies every time I see my own reflection, and I'm not afraid to stand tall in my truth. 


And it all happened within five years with plenty of successes along the way! 

Can you imagine what the next five years will hold??? I can't wait to find out!

 

What could your life look like in one year if you directed your energy to intimate Self discovery?

 

 

 

If you gained something, give something!

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- Jace